Recognising the physical signs of death: A guide for keeping vigil

Keeping vigil with a dying loved one is a profound and emotional experience, culminating in the death. Understanding what happens at this critical juncture and knowing how to respond can provide comfort and clarity during an otherwise challenging time.

Keeping vigil for people as they die is something I do often. Sometimes, for a many different reasons, people may not have someone to stay by their side as they go through the dying process. When that happens, I make myself available to stay with the person until they pass. Its a privilege and an honour to hold this space for people, and I am eternally grateful for the privilege. I hope that my experence can help others when they are in need. It is important to note that I am not a medical professional and nothing on my website, including this post, should be taken as medical advice.

This post outlines the physical signs that indicate death has occurred and offers guidance on what steps to take.

• Cessation of breathing: One of the most definitive signs that death has occurred is the complete cessation of breathing. The chest will no longer rise and fall, and there will be no breath sounds.
• Absence of pulse: You will no longer be able to detect a pulse. This can be checked at major pulse points such as the wrist, neck, or chest.
• Fixed and dilated pupils: The eyes may become fixed in one position, and the pupils will no longer respond to light.
• Lack of response: There will be no response to stimuli, such as touch or sound. The person will be unresponsive and still.
• Coolness and colour change: The body will begin to cool down, and the skin may take on a pale or bluish hue as circulation ceases.

1. Take a moment: It is important to give yourself a moment to process what has happened. Allow yourself to sit quietly with your loved one and acknowledge the significance of the moment.
2. Notify hospice or healthcare providers: If your loved one was under hospice care, contact the hospice team. They are experienced in handling the next steps and can provide guidance and support. If not, contact the attending physician or emergency services to officially declare the death.
3. Perform cultural or spiritual rituals: This may be the time to perform any cultural or spiritual rituals that are significant to your loved one and family. Whether it’s reciting prayers, lighting candles, or other ceremonial practices, these rituals can provide comfort and a sense of closure.
4. Inform family and friends: Notify close family members and friends of the passing. This can be done through a phone call or a personal visit, depending on what feels most appropriate.
5. Care for the body: Depending on your cultural or personal preferences, you may want to spend time with your loved one’s body before it is moved. Some people choose to wash and dress the body, while others may place special items or mementoes nearby. Handle these actions with the respect and care they deserve.
6. Arrange for the body to be moved: Contact the funeral home or mortuary to arrange for the body to be taken into their care. They will guide you through the next steps, including any necessary paperwork and preparations.

1. Seek support: This is an emotionally intense time. Reach out to family members, friends, or a counsellor for support. Sharing your feelings and experiences can help you process your grief.
2. Allow yourself to grieve: Grieving is a natural and necessary process. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come, whether they are sadness, relief, confusion, or a mixture of feelings.
3. Take care of yourself: In the immediate aftermath, remember to take care of your own physical needs. Eat, rest, and hydrate. Self-care is crucial as you navigate this difficult time.
4. Practical arrangements: In addition to contacting the funeral home, there may be other practical arrangements to consider, such as notifying employers, arranging for pets, and handling any immediate logistical concerns.

Conclusion

The moment of death is a significant and emotional time. Understanding the signs that indicate death has occurred and knowing what steps to take can provide a sense of structure and support during this profound experience.

By recognising the physical signs, performing meaningful rituals, and taking the necessary practical steps, you can honour your loved one’s passing with dignity and care. Remember to seek support, allow yourself to grieve, and take care of your own needs as you move through this journey. Your presence and compassion during this time are a testament to the enduring bonds of love and the profound impact of your vigil.